Bi-P

Work sucks now. And I'm not getting enough hours.

School sucks. I want this semester to end.

Today was crazy nice though, what with the VPD interview (which went alright I do believe), as well as walking over the cambie street bridge to stadium station to get my duffel bag back from the lost and found place there. Oh yeah, got my bag back, that's pretty cool.

So yeah, today was nice. Kinda relaxing too. And yup, you guessed it, tons of homework/projects/etc that I haven't even begun to start yet. Go me.

Just went to canucks.com. Salo is re-signed! WOOO!!!

I don't know why I stay up so late. It's like way past 1am now.

Ups and downs.

No more blog for me.

Class, what?

I didn't go to my class again today. Stupid bus never came until 9:45. Meaning, I'd be like 10 minutes late as it is. I figured, I'm getting notes for the monday class I missed anyways, so I might as well just get these notes too.

I don't know what another swim is gonna do to me. Hopefully, it's not going to follow the trend... first race, went all out, nearly passed out afterwards. Second race, either cramped up or throat closed up (don't remember which now) after about 4-5 laps, and thus ended up being dead last in the heat. But yeah, time for practice swims and what not...

This sucks. Enough blog junk. I'm thinking of taking a sheena-like hiatus from blogging. You know, just for shits and giggles.

Oh Look, Me Again...

Heheh, swimming again tomorrow, WOOP! But seriously though, swimming is AWESOME. I just wish I had more endurance... and, well, better technique wouldn't hurt either, heh...

I left my bag full of my swim gear on the bus today. WHOOPS. I was kinda worried about that, esp. with the swimming tomorrow, but when I got back to my place I found another pair of swimtrunks and my roommates found his old goggles. So that takes care of that. Although, I WILL get your goggles back Chui...

***

Speaking of Storm the Wall, I find it pretty cool that I got those numbers on my arms. And NO, it's not just an excuse to show of my arms... but still, so cool... see for yourself:





Edit: Hahahahaha..... I look like such a doofus... not embarrassed enough to take 'em down, mind you... but yeah, 345 looks so much nicer than 297... girls writing vs boys writing, lol...

***

Quasi-Hypothetical Situation:

There is this woman, who kinda reminds me of Betty Suarez, a.k.a. Ugly Betty. I find that rather attractive. But... is the fact that she reminds me of Ugly Betty more of an insult than a compliment, even given my semi-infatuation with that character??

(I'm pretty sure half of you know exactly who I'm talking about. I'm also pretty sure that the other half of you will take it completely the wrong way and think it's someone completely different than the person I have in mind.)

But yeah, just wondering...

***

Ate at the Pendulum today with 4/5 of the CoRec team. Also, went to sushi tonight w/ Mohsin. I do believe I'm WAAAAY overbudget. But, I say it's worth it. I'll find a way to pay my rent... stupid work not giving me shifts... well, for this week, okay not many shifts... but, next week only 4 hrs, kinda sucks megabucks...

But yeah, back on point, this week has been ridiculously awesome. I haven't hung out w/ friends very often this semester, and I've really been missing that. This week has sort-of been like a little homecoming or whatever. Heheh. Not explaining it right, but no matter.

I've gotta stop blogging.

Yeah, why not...

Was considering not mentioning this, but what the hey...

You see, when I swim, I am without glasses. Which means I don't see things very clearly. In particular, words and symbols get all blurry and non-understandable.

Apparently, one particular symbol I have trouble seeing w/o glasses is that little women symbol. It looks very much like a little man symbol...

This, along with the fact that I was feeling kinda iffy before the race... and needing the bathroom...

Well... yeah... I was, like... hey, wait a sec, that guy's wearing a bathing suit on the top half... but guys don't... HOLY CRAP!!!!

And so I race out of there, slipping on the wet tiles, almost falling on both my ass AND my face (which is quite hard to do), and into the guy's bathroom.

...WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?!?!

This is beyond embarrassing...

Although, as I WAS w/o glasses... you know... no harm done or whatever... but still... WTF...

Passing out

Storm the Wall = AWESOME.

Although I almost passed out after doing the 9 lengths. I finished as I predicted, in 8th place (out of 9). Oh well.

I'm in class now, but I still feel like throwing up. My nose is stuffed, I've got a fever, am incredibly fatigued... ingested water again.

...INHALED. Dammit...

I need rest. Ended up w/ only 3 hrs of sleep. I wasn't very tired though. Stupid chui and his "oh you have to eat something". I had a burrito. BAD IDEA. Feeling iffy before the race. Started getting better right before I raced, but I think I would've been better off w/o food. Oh well.

Next year, should I join, it's gonna be 3 months of hardcore training.

***

I want to have some sort of post-wall dinner thing. I'm working thursday, and am busy wed. Friday also out. Saturday working (sorry Kris!). Wait... oh yeah, my point is, DOES ANYONE WANT TO DO SOMETHING TUESDAY NIGHT??

That would be cool.

***

Edit - Wow, I just answered something in class. And it was exactly the answer he wanted. I NEVER say anything in class.

Perhaps I should get overly fatigued to the point of almost passing out more often...

Flowers For Algernon

Flowers for Algernon is the best book EVER.

Those who haven't read it must go now and read it.

...or, for those illiterates out there reading this, you can watch the movie. Assuming that Charly is actually a good adaptation...

I want to write out a couple of excerpts. But I'm tired. Rest assured, though, Flowers for Algernon is definately my favourite book now.

Boooook.... READ IT.

Boooooooooook ...READ IT.

***

STORM THE WALL!!! Craziness... me is swimming, AND lifting myself over the wall. Tender...

I swam today, inbetween eating at Quilon and Country Meadows. All signs points to me ingesting water. I remember reading the sign at watermania, and it said mild fever, flu symptoms. I have those. I should be fine for tomorrow though...

...and by ingesting, I meant inhaling. Funny how I keep mixing those up. Haha...

***

It's 3:30. I've gotta wake up superearly tomorrow, as I am in Richmond at the moment. Like, only 5 hrs of sleep for me again. Oh well.

So yeah, I sleep now.

Whoa!

Holy crap, the WineKone stole my phrase!

Skip to 4:48

[EDIT: Or, if it's doing the backwards thing, i.e. is the countdown timer, go to 4:51... 4:48 is NOT what I'm talking about... lol...]



...GAH!

sooo tired...

I'm wanting to go to sleep... so boring is this class...

total of 5 hrs over 2 nights... so sleeeeepy...

Am contemplating not watch/listen to canucks in order to sleep... but I don't know if I'm THAT sleepy...

***

Edit: 3:30pm - I just checked my facebook. It turns out my ex is saying hi. I think I'm kinda freaking out inside my mind.

Kinda.

On A Roll!

Man, I tells ya, I HATE having to do work. But man, when I'm actually doing work, it's AWESOME...

I don't think I'll ever fully understand why that is the case...

Seemed Appropriate, Haha...

This is what I'm dreading, haha... (and no, I don't know anyone's hobbies...)

No Sleep

I didn't sleep yet. Well, if you don't count the few minutes here and there.

I've still gots me an essay/report thing to finish. It's due in 12 hours.

I'm contemplating either a) sleeping now, and then supercram the essay writing when I wake up, or b) staying up now, finishing off the essay (or as much as I can), then sleep.

As I'm practically fallen asleep now, going on like 40+ hrs awake, probably sleep is best....

In other news, as far as free coffee goes, the Commerce Lounge french vanilla was rather enjoyable. And kept me up enough to sit through court.

Speaking of court, MAN, that was so intriguing... at first, I didn't know what's going on, so for like 20 mins I was like, yeah, officer took a report, okay... but then the defence counsel was all "and did you notice the cocaine at that time?", and I was like WHAAA??!? As it turns out, it was about a couple cocaine smugglers! And then the defence counsel was all reaming out the arresting officer, and it was, like, RIVETING. I wouldn't mind going to another court case, you know, just for fun. I mean, it's only like a 5 min busride from my apartment, lol...

Today was nice, super sunny. And I spoke to a female colleague of mine, without any weird hesistations and what not. Or perhaps it was the lack of sleep... remember, lacking sleep is roughly my equivalent of drunkenness (in terms of the liquid confidence aspect), so yeah.

I rambly cause I sleepish.

I GIVE UP

If you actually read earlier, I stated how I was all, oh I deserve a bad mark etc etc.

Now I know I'll get one. What sucks most is that I'm sure half the class will get 30/30.

...onto Tax. No sleep for me...

Not Good

It's 6am. I don't think I'll sleep.

Not finished stupid written case thing, which should've only been like a 2-3 hr thing. And I haven't even started on the crazyannoying tax homework...

BAH TO MY IDIOCITYIES...

...that's not a word........

Lacking Focus

I've got two assignments. One's worth 10%, the other 1.7%. But they're so easy (and so incredibly tedious) that I don't feel like doing it yet.

I've gotten an avg. of 5 hrs sleep over the past few nights. I'm thinking allnighter tonight.

But then I have to go to the courts, and actually listen to something, and then do a writeup on that thing. This BLOWS.

I have rEdiculously horrible time management skills.

...or, perhaps I have an overly developed sense of efficiency. 2 hrs work = B+, 20 hrs work = A. Marginal something or other, yadda yadda...

This is stupid.

***

Edit 1:

It's passed 2am. Actually, it's closer to 2:15am. I waste too much time. I'm screwing myself over completely. I'm going to have to ingest vast amounts of caffeine tomorrow. And tomorrow night, for tomorrow night's allnighter. My goodness.

Unnecessary allnighters are kind of annoying. But I am the victim of my own undoing, or something to that effect.

I stop blogging now. Most likely will start a "3:15, finished assignment, will get bad mark, yadda yadda..." kind of edits soon. Oh, how it feels like 2005...

***

Edit 2:

This is stupid. I don't want to do well on this project. I don't want good marks. I don't want to strive for greatness. I just want to be mediocre. I just want a mediocre job. And a mediocre wife. And mediocre kids. And a mediocre house. In a mediocre part of town... say, Burnaby. And that's all.

...is it any wonder that Doug was my hero back in grade 5/6?

I'm thinking this as I mark down the copper standings in which tubes fall through airholes of the mind.

...this is the kind of gibberish I end up typing during an unfocused period of an allnighter. It's also called freewriting. It's from the devil.

I like cheezies. And by cheezies, I do mean "Cheezies". That's by far the best brand.

I should probably mention it's 2:30am. I haven't even begun my assignments. I will end up doing an allnighter. Which doesn't bode well for my having to go do the court thing tomorrow. Or perhaps I'll just forget about tax, once again. But that's just dumb. I must mitigate damages, and write up a half-hearted tax assignment. Super tedious craphole management systems it woop falling down the peephole slip.

Crap I'm doing it again.

You people don't read this so it don't matter what I write. You bunch of ass monkeys.

I need focus. Perhaps a cola shall be in order. ...although I do feel like a cola, I probably shouldn't drink one. Perhaps I'll give up around 4 and try to go to sleep. I'm wide awake now as it is, passing another wall around the time of my 1st edit.

This rambling has gone on for far too long...

"Avatar... you have been a thorn in my side for faaarrr too long..."

Man, I never even really played Ultima 8. What the fudge...

That reminds me, perhaps I'll post up my "lazy thursday" vids, in which I kept the camera rolling through 36 minutes of me trying to play the guitar. Among other things. But no, not now. Perhaps never.

I want to ride my bike... I want to ride my bike... I want to ride my bicycle... I want to ride my bike...

HOLY CRAP THERE'S NUDITY IN THAT VIDEO... exit exit exit!

Well that's enough of this garbage. Time to get to work.

***

I'M SO OLD. BUT I STILL FEEL SO IMMATURE.

I was alive 20 years ago. That somewhat unnerved me for a second there.

WHY AM I WASTING MY LIFE?!?!

...waiting for you / wasting my life / waiting for you / is it true? Am I wasting my life on you... so tell me it's not true... ooo eee ooo... man that's a good song...

WOW YOUTUBE IS AWESOME



Man, The Hippos are such a good band...

That was Wasting My Life, btw...

...aww hell, here's another awesome song from the Hippos:



It's all I could find. Always Something There To Remind Me. One of the best 90's-era cover of an 80's song.

***

Another edit, 3:30am - TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS ANSWERS TO MY PROJECT TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS

***

It's 4:10am. Wikipedia + Youtube = DEADLY. Lookie what I found:



Only one word can describe this... BLASPHEMY! Some weird-ass british boy band covering Crossroads... dang... but yeah, weird as it is, well, this comment pretty much sums it up: "It is so awful it's good, in the worst way possible." Haha... okay, well, "good" IS kinda pushing it... hahaha...

Facebook

Facebook makes me feel like I've got way more friends than I actually have.

Sometimes, though, it makes me feel incredibly creeped out. I mean, I'm on someone's profile, of whom I haven't spoken to in like half a decade, and I start reading some wall conversations, and... I don't know. Creeped me out. It also doesn't help if this profile is female. Especially doesn't help if this particular female is someone I found attractive way back when.

Actually, you know what, I feel like doing a little rant thingy. About regrets.

You see, when I was back in grade 12, I went on my final strathcona trip in the Minischool. I ended up choosing to go Ocean Kayaking once again, as when I did it in grade 10, it was by far my favourite time at strathcona. So yeah, this is the background of my rant.

For ocean kayaking, there's two people to a boat. In grade 10, it was an odd pairing, and I was grouped w/ an instructor. I was in front. Apparently, I was like a frickin motor. I never stopped paddling for, like, hours. And it was FUN. Heheh. ...GAH, besides the point. Anyways...

In this final grade 12 trip, I was partnered in the Kayak with Belinda. And we got along pretty well. And it was fun. The weird thing is, because the trip itself was so amazingly awesome (what with the sea lions, and the open ocean, and the beaming early-september sunshine), I never really had a chance for my usual "fall for any girl who shows me the least bit of attention" highschool thing. But yeah, by the time the dance rolled on, we danced a couple times, and yeah, that's when it hit me. Belinda is AMAZING. But yeah, as she was gr. 11, never really talked to her all that much after strathcona, and I guess my attentions fell elsewhere.

I should also mention that this was right after the summer where I lost like 30-40lbs. So yeah, slightly more confident here.

Weird thing is, there were like a half dozen girls that I thought I had a chance with. The one girl I finally got the guts to actually ask out, however, was some overly-protected military-dad former-airbase-child girl. So when she said her parents wouldn't let her date (after, like, a weekend of wondering [I asked on friday, and she said she has to ask her parents...]), I took it as she just needed an excuse to let me down gently, and yeah I took it pretty hard... and then the whole joining up with Karmacanix, and the whole Avril debacle, yadda yadda...

Looking back, I obviously made the wrong choice. Of the "half dozen" potentials, in hindsight, Belinda was probably the best of the bunch. And I'm sure she would've at least said yes to a movie date, or equivalent.

Now, with all this in mind, as I was sifting through my friends, I ended up on Belinda's profile. And was reading conversations, and looking at pictures... and, yeah, kinda creeped me out a bit.

Although, that didn't creep me out half as much as finding Kiyomi attractive... now that was just weird...

***

Before I forget to mention, when I get bummed out, and swear, it pretty much means that something's wrong. Sometimes, though, I think I do it subconsiously in order to garner some undeserved attention, a la Jamieson's "what's the world coming to!" kind of thing. Looking back to my comment three hours ago, I think this was one of those subconscious times. I was really busy and was ticked at the typical Reuben comment. Yup.

Once again, an over-explanation of an unnecessary reasoning.

***

Edit 1:

Okay, I just had to go check, after writing this post... I went back to facebook... I checked Belinda's profile again... and you know what? She's single... and now I have a weird mix of possible future potential yeah crazy awesome, and holy crap I'm a freaking internet stalker creepy messed up dude... moreso on the latter...

And you know what the worst part about all this is? I know the exact thing I SHOULD do, which would not make me creepy, and would increase the chances of, uh, "planting the seeds of potential" or whatever (couldn't think of a better metaphor), but because I'm getting all weird and nervous about it, I'm just shooting myself in the foot. This sucks. The only thing worse than not doing something is knowing that I should be able to do something in theory but am unable to do so, for whatever lame reason my mind seems to create, and am thus entirely complacent.

What sucks the worse is that I'm only going to get 5 hrs of sleep when tomorrow is my big 25% debate, in which I have to be super alert and react to the other team's arguments. This blows donkey nuts, you guys...

I'm messed up.

Derrrrr....

Sleep

I need more sleep. And yet I don't sleep.

***

I know more people than I thought I did. Thanks, facebook...

On that note, why is it that everything I adamantly oppose eventually ends up being an obsession? First it was e-mail, and then it was ICQ/MSN, and now facebook... perhaps I should just give in more often...

Or wait, perhaps it was less of an "afraid of change" kind of thing, and more of a "I feel too lazy to sign up" kind of thing.

...no wait, I was opposed to icq/msn because I believed that computer was my alone time to wind down and play heroes. Or diablo. Or, etc. Stupid advent of the internet...


***

It's midnight and I've already lost it. To sleep I go.

...but, but, smallville just finished downloading........... ..
....
.......CONUNDRUM.

Aggressiveness

I'm getting way too aggressive in my thoughts nowadays.

For example, I was reading the Z95 auction prizes, for a "Men's Set" from T.h.e. Store, which is some hippie baboo/soy/etc clothing store. It seemed interesting, and I thought I could use some new clothes, and it talked about all the different clothes in the prize, and I was like, yeah organic cotton t-shirt, cool, bamboo boxers, craziness, etc etc, hey yeah maybe I should try to get this... ALL SIZES IN LARGE?! F*CK YOU ALL SIZES IN LARGE! STUPID F*CKING AUCTION PRIZE WITH STUPID F*CKING LARGE SIZES!

And this is pretty much what went through my head when I read that. I don't even really care, but that's the first thing that popped into my head.

I'm becoming more and more aggressive. I think it's because I haven't been in a good fight since highschool. I really miss that.

Dependent Reserved

As it turns out, I don't like going into the courts by myself. I mean, everything is so formal, I feel like I'm intruding by just walking into a court.

I mean, if I was with someone, it wouldn't be so bad. In fact, I'd probably wouldn't care at all. I guess it's just a comfortability thing.

Although, my friday morning wasn't a complete waste. As it turns out, I'm less than 5 mins away from the courts. Which means I'm like 5 mins away from downtown. Perhaps I should go more often.

I'm certainly not utilizing the location of my apartment to the fullest extent. I haven't even been down to the beach in like forever. Must do that more too.

I'm constantly spending every moment of my time trying to think of ways NOT to do homework. Either purposely or otherwise. That's not a good sign. I do have to go to a group meeting research thing at 1 though. I'm kinda dreading it.

I don't know what to do about this lack of motivation, though. I mean, last semester, I didn't study at all, and I ended up with ridiculously crappy marks, relatively speaking. I was hoping it'd wake me up, pick up my socks etc, and study more. But it didn't, at least not too much. This semester, I'm still not studying (or, practically not studying at least), and, well... I ended up with 92% in my accounting midterm with 2 hrs of "study". So now I'

Good marks, no study. Bad marks, no study. I feel lost.

Oh well... here's a random youtube clip of a possible future cover. Haha...

Latenight

It's 2am. I worked tonight. I spent FOREVER trying to find an internet connection, and finally found one. I'm sitting in my doorway, lol. But yeah, online to check e-mail. And, as I expected, I'm having an interview for a co-op job. WHOOP WHOOP and what not. Heheh. But yeah, if all goes well, I'm going to be a member of the Vancouver Police Department. Yup, I'm gonna be a COPPA! Craziness...

...okay, so I'll be number crunching in the head office. But same difference. I'm gonna be part of the FORCE! Hahaha...

Facebook is ADDICTING. If I wanted to, I could add about 300 acquaintances I've met over the years. But they'll come later as I feel like adding. For now it's mainly friends. Yup. Heheh, facebook makes me feel like I've got way more friends than I actually have. Cool. Perhaps I'll start to touch base with my old BCIT friends... I already found Jae-Hee... pretty cool...

This whole sexuality debate is intriguing. It's been awhile since I talked philosophy.

Copy&Paste

Well, I posted a comment on Valen's blog, thought I might as well show it off to those non- readers-of-Valen's-blog, heh...

Excerpt of Valen's Post:

i was bombarding charles and esther with ALOT of questions. hehe. i think my moment of triumph was when i finally stumped them. yes. lol. basically, i was debating the fact that if physical attraction determines your sexuality, how is it that attraction happens naturally if sexuality is a choice? =P

My Reply:

Wait, I don't get what stumped them... what were they arguing for, exactly? That sexuality is a choice? Well, as with everything in philosophy, that depends on your definition... okay, I think I'm gonna get a bit ranty here...

Is sexuality defined by your choice, or your underlying feelings? In other words, if someone is attracted to the same sex, but doesn't act on them, is that gay? Would you classify that person's sexuality as gay?

If you believe that sexuality is defined by actions, then yeah, you can choose your sexuality, no matter what you really feel inside. However, if you believe that sexuality is defined by your feelings, then no, it's not a choice.

So, according to what you wrote above, that physical attraction comes naturally (i.e., one could be naturally attracted to the same sex), if you believe that sexuality is based on this natural attraction, then no

Personally, sexuality = how you choose to live your life. So yeah, I believe you can choose your sexuality. However, I do agree that attraction comes naturally. In other words, God decides (or allows) someone would be attracted to the same sex. But He doesn't want you to act on these feelings.

So how is this fair, one might ask? Well, the greater the hardships, the greater the rewards, right? Or something to that effect...

(as an aside, this logic works for just about anything "natural" about someone that is a sin, such as aggressive tendencies, sociopaths, narcissism, etc.)

***

I got ranty and I'm not even sure if I understood the post correctly, haha... sorry bout that Valen!

[end of reply]

So yeah, I tried to make it as brief as possible, so I might have missed out on something. But yeah, this is pretty much my opinion on homosexuality. Basically, I'll give that someone can feel naturally homosexual. But that doesn't mean you have to act on those feelings.

Hope this enlightens people on some of my views on things. Or, at least, spark up some internal debate. Or, barring that even, perhaps start something in the comments in which to counter this point. But it's not like I posted this to produce comments. Oh no...

Kids

This vid makes me wanna have kids.



5:30 had me cracking up in the middle of DLam, haha...

In Class

Class is boring

I'm hungry, and I forgot to eat during my break. Or rather, I wasn't hungry then.

I now have 6 hrs straight of class. I think I'm gonna have to eat between one of my classes. But which class to be late for... MIS, or Phys... probably Phys...

***

Still hungry, still bored in class, 45 mins later. I don't think I could wait another 2 hrs... but I can and I will. Hunger not as bad as missing out the class I already skipped last week and am unable to really make up.

***

This class has the potential to be interesting, but it just isn't. I could blame the teacher. He's the president for some international transportation federation or something. Those kinds of teachers are never very good.

***

I'm going to be 23 relatively soon, if you haven't noticed by my 22m10 title. I think that's starting to get to me. 21 still sounds kinda young, same with 22... but, 23... TWENTY-THREE...

I stop blog now.

Overestimated

Okay, maybe it wasn't 200. But it was alot.

It's 9:20pm and I'm still in Richmond. Must leave now.

I just had a ridiculously huge steak 'n' potatoes dinner tonight. And here I am wondering how I lost 10 lbs since I moved out.

I don't know why I keep bringing that up. I think I'm starting to be a little obsessive.

I do consider myself to be quite the narcissist, and relatively vain... hmmm, and yet I don't consider myself to be incredibly attractive... so, I'm a vain narcissist with low self esteem, who is also a Reserved Dependent? It's all starting to make sense now, lol...

Ug. Ranting not good. Me stopping.

SUCKED IN

It seems that I have been sucked into the internet phenomenon that is Facebook.

In the past half hour, I've sent over 200 friend requests.

I haven't even BEGUN to sift through my potential facebook friends. I mean, I still have a crapload of ACTUAL friends I have to add still, haha.

But that's enough for now. Time for PPV Canucks hockey!

You know, even if the Anaheim fire might make things a little interesting... and, you know, the whole "free on Yahoo!" thing... but I ramble.

Interlude No. 22 m10

I'll start off w/ the little realization I had a while back, which always seems to slip my mind when I decide to blog.

September was the culmination of everything that has every went wrong in my life, crammed into a microcosm of a few hours. Everything from family problems, exclusion/rejection/seclusion, physical anguish... and that's not even the half of it.

I'm using all these things as the scapegoat to my life. Because it ain't that horrible. I kinda feel like I need to get away, as in, like go to Toronto for the summer or something like that, but I don't think that's the answer.

That whole numb to the world thing was so true though. Although, back in the day, [like, WAY back in the day], I had the choice of going down that route. And I came very close to doing so. VERY CLOSE. But in the end... well, I kinda broke down, dropped the object, picked up my CD of Heroes 2, and started playing.

I guess that's part of the reason why that's BY FAR my favourite game of all time. And part of the reason why wasted "hours and hours and hours..." etc. on gaming. It was my form of dealing, I guess.

On the bright side, I haven't played videogames since before the semester started. Although, I do believe that's been taken over by guitar covers and youtube. Heh. I guess I kinda like the idea of belonging, even if it is completely fake. ...I do love it when strangers compliment me though.

I have a hard time opening up to people. In the real-world communication sense, I mean. If you bring this "numb to the world" sort of stuff up, I'll be all "eh, no big deal, thanks for asking, yadda yadda, so lets go to bubble tea!" or something to that effect. Friends = happiness, don't like bringing up the bad stuff.

I keep having this feeling like I'm forgetting some profound thing I was going to write but then forgot. I always think much faster than I can communicate. Perhaps for some other time then.

I seem to ramble a bunch when I lack sleep and it's 4am. No, wait, make that 5am. And here I was applauding the early daylight savings...

OH YEAH. I just remembered. It's from the youth rally thing.

As it turns out, I'm Dependent AND Reserved. So basically, I need to have the love and acceptance of others to feel like I'm worth something, but do not have very many friendships, but the friendships I do have are...DEEP. No offence to anyone out there thinking otherwise, but I really don't have any deep relationships.

No wonder I'm always so fucking depressed all the time...

.

..

...okay, that's not really true. I'm not depressed when I feel included w/ my peers, which fits my Dependent personality. But it's not like I hang out w/ people anymore. Perhaps on the odd weekday, and church for about an hour, but other than that, not really. Sure I hang out w/ Tim/Alan, but again, they're gone before I wake up, and by the time I get home they're already going to bed, so that doesn't really count.

But I'm delineating. I think. What my main point is, a Dependent Reserved person with no "DEEEP" relationships makes for one messed up kinda guy.

I guess that's what I really mean to say when I get all "I need a girlfriend" like. I just want someone I feel comfortable talking to. And I mean, like, REALLY talking to.

...perhaps it's because the last person I every really talked like that with, or ever really opened up to, couldn't handle it. And that's why I don't have any meaningful relationships.

Come to think of it, I don't remember ever having a meaningful relationship. Perhaps back in the days of Ferris, and Moffatt, and the Co-op. But even then, I remember Kris and his 2-day "I'm not playing with you anymore because you're too short" thing.

RIGHT. THAT STORY OF THE 4'11" GIRL. HOLY CRAP THAT WHOLE SECTION WAS SPOT ON.

Yeah. I'm gonna stop ranting before I start actually blowing my mind.

Bus and Such

If you guys haven't figured out already, bussing SUCKS.

...especially if you don't really know the route.

First off, I gotta tell you guys, if I haven't taken the bus someplace, I get INCREDIBLY PARANOID about missing my stop. So, as I was taking the 84 to the skytrain, after reading a 24 and realizing that there was a stop, I kinda panicked, looked outside, saw "VCC-Clark", got freaked out, and jumped out of the bus. Here's what went through my head immediately after I left the bus.

"WHEW, that was close, I almost missed my stop...
...heeey, wait a sec, that's BC Place... and that SCIENCE WORLD. I'm on MAIN?!? But I thought..."
*reads busstop pole*
"84 - VCC-Clark Station...
...SHEEEEAAAAAATTT....."

So yeah, I looked at the busstop and got freaked out. It's happened before. Except this time, I had to stand in the rain for 10mins until the next 84 came. ANNOYING, to say the least. Stupid me, heheh...

THEN, I took the skytrain. I was told to get off at Broadway station to transfer to the other skytrain (to get to metrotown). So, next stop was Commercial Drive. Okay, Broadway's probably next... and then I hear, "Next stop, Renfrew"

"...SHEEEEAAAAAATTT....."

So I was all, holycrapwhatdoIdonow?!?! But then I remember Tim saying that the 110 also goes by Production Way, so I was all, alright, I'll get off there. So I do. And I just BARELY caught the 110. So the 110 goes off, with like almost nobody on the bus... and then, all of a sudden-like, it turns off to something that looked like a bus depo. The next thing I hear is, "LAST STOP"

"...SHEEEEAAAAAATTT....."

So, I'm like COMPLETELY FREAKING OUT by this time. Luckily, I guess, the last stop ended up being Lougheed, which is like the next stop after Production Way. Yeah, that was a monumental waste of time.

So I phone Alan, 'cause I don't know what to do now and there was (in theory) a transit map at my place. Apparently, there wasn't. CRAP. But then Krystle (who was over at the apartment) suggests phoning Valen, which just made too much sense. So I phone her, and she said to just take the skytrain to metrotown, as it looped around. So I was like, ahh, that sounds easy enough.

So I take it to metrotown. And then I get off, and had to find the bus loop. THAT PLACE IS SO FRICKIN' HARD TO FIND!! There's like signs pointing in the direction, but then you keep following the direction, and there like NOTHING! And then I turn around, and THEN you see the bus loop sign. Horrible design. Well, either that, or I'm a dolt. Probably the latter. [I should also mention, I couldn't find the Tofu in Safeway back in November... apparently I'm not very observant that way, heh...]

But yeah, I see the 110 loading, and I'm like, CRAAAAP!! So I sprinted like mad, and actually got on rather quickly. I do believe I've gotten faster since I shed those 10 lbs...

But anyways, I get on the bus, walk to my usual spot at the back of the bus, then out of nowhere, it's Catherine and Dorothy! That was WEIRD, apparently they were the people walking right in front of me on the bus, haha...

Anyways, I was kinda tired by this point (what with the stress and the sprinting and what not), and as such I didn't really feel like chatting. So I kinda feigned sleep so I wouldn't have to converse with those two [SORRY YOU GUYS!]. Plus they had their own little group of friends. Who am I to intrude... [learned that lesson the hard way... wake me up when september ends, indeed...]

But yeah, by the time I got to Deer Lake, I was actually EXACTLY ON TIME, hahaha... that was truly amazing, lol... it's like I had an uncanny sense of knowing exactly how screwed up I'd be while getting there. Haha.

Anyways, the Youth rally thing was alright, although nobody was really into it (felt so bad for the speaker!). I don't know, I kinda wanted to get into it myself, but it's weird sitting w/ Sita and Kirsten, who didn't really get into it much either. As with a concert, it's WAY better if someone next to you is really into it. Then you don't feel like quite the jackass. Heh.

After the thing, I got a ride w/ my cousins to Joyce station, took the skytrain to broadway, etc etc, and I got home.

...but NO, that's just too easy. Once again, I got all messed up w/ the busses.

First off, I almost didn't get off the skytrain. I was in the back, on that weird staring-out-the-back-window single seat, plus I couldn't really understand the PA lady either. So I looked out the window, saw "King George", and was like, must be the next stop... ...WAIT A SEC.... and then I jumped out. Heh.

And then, after walking down the steps, I COULDN'T FIND THE 99! I was like, whatt?? Last time it was just there... so then I cross the street to where a bunch of people where gathered, and it turns out to be the RIO THEATRE! I'm like, CRRAAAAA...oh, hey, that's a 99! So I run across the sidewalk trying to catch this 99, AND I ALMOST GET RUN OVER BY SOME FUCKER IN A WHITE VAN WHO DIDN'T SEE ME.

Have you ever seen a cat who got surprised? And how they jumped ridiculously high? Yeah, that was me. Only HORIZONTALLY. Heh.

So yeah, I sprint to catch this bus, almost running into several people along the way, only to find out that they don't take people at this stop.

...I ALMOST GET FUCKING RUN OVER, AND I STILL CAN'T FIND MY FUCKING BUS?! WHAT THE HELL!!!

So I start panicking, run up the steps, almost get on the millennium line again, but then I got even more paranoid in thinking I might end up back in metrotown. So I didn't get on the skytrain.

So here I am, sulking around Vancouver, almost getting run over, walking out in the rain... and then BOOM, the 99 is right in front of me, out of NOWHERE.

...HALLELUJAH!!! The bus!

So yeah, took the 99, got off on granville, ran down to 4th (well, the bus turnoff to go onto fourth place... you know, where that big 2000 thing is), caught the 7, and went back home.

Four hours in transit, less than 2 hours at the event.

...Nice.

***

You know what the best part of all this is? I GET TO DO IT ALL AGAIN TOMORROW.

...yay.

Life's Not Fair

Just wanted to say that life's not fair.

Got my accounting exam back.

...yeah.

Thinking ...or not.

Funny how I know exactly the right amount of time to study for just the right amount of material to be able to at least understand the entire test. I don't feel like I failed, but I do feel all 70% screwed now.

As this is my last midterm in a while, I'm hoping not to use that ridiculously stupid term for a while.

...oh yeah, Access quiz tomorrow. Heheh.

And now onto a rant.

I've probably mentioned this once or twice to you guys before, but what the hey.

Whenever I'm walking / taking the bus / other things of that sort, there is a trend that I usually take. I don't really have a name for it, but basically it goes like this:
I have two pathways to the same destination. On one path, I notice a pretty lady walking. I choose that path over the other.
OR
I'm waiting for the bus w/ a pretty lady. I obviously let her on first (you know, gentlemanly and what not). Then she sits down. I now have a choice between 1) a seat where she is readily visible, and 2) not readily visible. And so I choose 1.

I'm sure half of you out there this this is normal, while the other half thinks it's rather creepy. But let me tell you, it's not like I stare, or even glance over on a regular basis. It's just that, when I so happen to look up, or around, or whatever, I just so happen to glance at a pretty lady. Plus, it's not like I go out of my way to do this; if no-lady path is faster/easier/etc, I go there. Laziness EFFICIENCY trumps all, I guess.

Personally, I find this reflex-like tendency of mine to be rather annoying. I remember, back in the non-single days o' mine, I went out of my way to do the EXACT OPPOSITE. I prefer not to have the temptation (or whatever) when I already have a girl of my own.

But that got me thinking. I remember a time where I WOULDN'T EVEN NOTICE OTHER GIRLS. Now this goes WAY back now, back to the times of my first serious crush. To me, back then, there was only one pretty lady. Everyone else paled in comparison. Now THAT was a pretty awesome feeling.

...for all of like, two weeks, until it all blew up in my face. But that's a story for another time.

I guess what I wanted to say here, now, is that ever since that time, I haven't really experienced that same feeling; that not-even-noticing other girls kinda daze. I want to have that feeling back again, even if it is somewhat of a self-induced dementia. I don't mind.

***

Hey look, it's like I'm back to the old me.

Ah, similes...

Yup

I've been wasting my time, as explained per my last post. Here's a couple vids I watched.



As per Jake's blog. Hahaha...



MORE CORKY AND THE JUICE PIGS!!! Yeah! Classic, called REMember... nothing like a little awesome parody!

Now if I could only find a vid of my... (dubadubadubadubaDUB) WINNEBAGO!
[I'm sure none of you got that joke... haha...]



I SO WANNA LEARN HOW TO DO THAT!!! I haven't got a chance to try it out myself. Now, as per the actual video...
Good: Cameo by the WineKone! Sweetness.
Bad: It just gets weird and stupid after the VocalChordBleeder section. Lost me at the gun part. Heheh...

And yeah, those are but a sampling of how I spent the last two hours. At least I spent the time, uh, RELAXING... stupid me and my overused euphemisms... I'm so lazy...

But anyways, here's the gist of how my day will go:
1) SKIP ALL MY CLASSES
2) Go sleep for an hour or two, someplace.
3) Wake up and eat something. Perhaps go out and buy some liquid poison in the form of an expensive energy drink. They seem to perk me up more than the
4) STUDY MY ASS OFF, CRAM LIKE MAD.
5) Proceed to the examination.
6) Start and/or Finish the exam.
7) Cry uncontrollably as I take the bus back to my apartment.
8) Stuff my face.
9) Have a shower.
10) Go to bed.

I just wasted another 10 minutes of my life with this garbage.

Speaking of garbage...



And I'm done.

Dang

Went into Richmond to study. Stayed up 'til five, and didn't study half as hard as I wanted to. But DANG that was an awesome hockey game.

Woke up quarter to nine, got a ride to school, was in class by 10 to 10. Except, CLASS WAS CANCELLED. Stupid not knowing things because I was 5 minutes late the class before.

So, here I am, sleepy and with an extra hour and a half of free time. What to do, what to do... sleep sounds nice, or perhaps study for tonight's midterm... or... yeah. YOUTUBE. What a waste of everything.

It's now 11:30. I've got 6 hrs to my exam. I've only studied about 1/4 of the material covered over the past 2+ months. I do believe that I am slightly screwed...

But hey, at least I posted a funny comic last night. Ha...

Ahh, Chess.

Chess is fun. Played for the 1st time in years w/ Mohsin. I was gonna win, but that meant the game would be over. So I played extra recklessly for kicks and giggles. And he was late for class, lol. But yeah, chess is fun. Lets play more.

I need to hang out w/ people more. Even though I ended up not finishing my homework, only top 7/8 gets marked anyways, so whatever. Even if my marks go down, whatever. At least it'll keep me sane.

On that note, I'm looking forward to Thursday. DON'T LET ME DOWN MAN! Heheh...

Back to paying attention in class...

Crunch Time... yadda yadda...

Alrighty then, it's crunch time.

Assignment due in 4 hrs, tomorrow's midterm to study for, Access assignment/quiz to worry about, a trip to the courts, a group debate project, and a whole whack of not working pretty much sums up my week. I should be freaking out, but I just don't care, really.

***

Did something that I haven't done in years last night. Didn't even do in the events in which it is expected. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep, I don't know. I'm hoping I'm slowly ridding myself of the numbness.

Feeling crappy is better than feeling nothing. ALWAYS.

***

I've now wasted far too much time, and as such I won't be able to complete my homework. Stupid DCLugi and your hilariously awesome youtube vids...

Time for fooding.

...

I just watched Nanai's slideshow.

Depressed am I.

Jann Arden, Anyone?

She's coming into town in May, anyone interested in watching? Tickets are a little steep for my liking, but what the hey, hopefully I'll be rolling in Co-op moolah by then.

I found out about an hour ago that I had an assignment due tomorrow. So I spent the past half hour distracting myself. How anti-productive of me.

Thursday is battle of the bands @ UBC. Go Reuben! I'll be coming from my exam at 8. Yeah, this is gonna be fun...

Has anyone ever felt incredibly hungry at around midnight, but don't really want to eat anything b/c you already brushed your teeth? I have. Recently, as in like the past year, I haven't really been caring all to much about that. But now, as I sit here all hungry and tired, I'm thinking, maybe I won't go eat something now.

...and then I remember I'm 125lbs. Making me wanna eat something...

Enough of this, I should've gone to bed 3 hrs ago.

Lack of Sleep

I didn't sleep enough last night.

Making me not pay attention in class.

I have no time to study for midterm, and do homework, and do access assignment.

I'm averse to change. Which is why my facebook is not very active. Among other reasons. You know, just if you're wondering.

As I'm in not-the-greatest mood at the moment, it feels like nobody's wondering.

Le Sigh...

***

Why can't I just get a half-decent $15/hr office job and just take the next couple years off?? That's looking remarkably appealing at the moment.
--> $30k/yr, 20k take home pay. I could so make that work...

But enough of this. Class is over.

Sadness

I got GBiz midterm back, ended up w/ 59%. And that's after a 6% increase.

On the one hand, I didn't fail outright, so that's good. But on the other hand, the avg is like

***

WTF?!? Installing Access left me w/o word/excel! THAT'S NOT RIGHT.

And now I have to type in wordpad. Sucks to be me.

"I know, I know."

***

Hey you, don't watch that, watch this! It's the heavy heavy monster sound, of SADNESS. One step beyond...

Stinky Bum

I'm here just hanging out in the viewing gallery, and all of a sudden there's this nasty smell out of nowhere; I turn around and there's some homeless guy behind me, and what's worse is that he was looking over my shoulder as I was watching youtube! That's not only gross but kinda freaky.

He went away now.

Yeah I know it's mean, but whatever.

Weekend Update

Lots of boring midnight-hour ranting. Not really for public consumption.

***

Saturday, church in morning, was nice. Slept a couple hrs before work. Then I worked. Work SUCKED. I don't like working saturday nights. For a plethora of reasons. Oh, one reason (not the top reason mind you) is this one co-worker. He's a great guy, good to talk to, etc etc, but MAN it's like he doesn't do much work. But what's worse than that, he actually makes me slack off! I mean, while working, I bust my ass every single time! Except when working w/ him! I don't like that...

I'm trying to get next week off. Tom's usually okay with that, plus I wrote it down a week in advance, so hopefully no problems arise. ...CRAP, I forgot to go in today and ask in person. Whoops. But yeah, that leaves me w/ only one 4-hr shift next week. On the day of my exam. Haha...

Today was odd. I woke up at noon, went out w/ my uncle. Went to William Tell, a fancy-schmancy buffet place downtown which was crazy delicious and extremely reasonably priced! Haha. It was like $15 less than expected. But yeah, I definately recommend the sunday brunch buffet there.

After fooding, went to tinseltown to watch a movie. He was like, "let's watch Factory Girl! It looks nice, andy warhol, history..." blah blah. I was like, "...but I don't really feel like watching that kinda movie!" And I then suggested, like, several other movies we could watch instead.

We ended up watching Factory Girl.

As expected, I didn't really like the movie. First off, it's basically gossip into the lives of 60's celebrities. I COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT CELEBRITY GOSSIP. And it was quite vulgar. And I don't really enjoy the "life ruined by drugs" stories, for reasons undeclared. ...good acting though. Expecially Hayden Christiansen, surprisngly. Ending kinda pulled it all together, maybe a 2/4 stars.

Then went back to apartment, killed some time doing squat, and listened to a RIDICULOUSLY AWESOME canucks game. And then killed some more time. And now I'm procrastinating from doing some actual work. Although, I did end up installing Access, so that's good. I'm now only partially screwed now. Heh...

***

Well that was a gigantic waste of bandwidth. ...although, technically, not really. Heh.

...okay then.

Just finished my exam.

I'm kinda saddened by the fact that I actually was able to complete all the questions. Sure, I'm still 70%-screwed, but now I'm not able to say that I'm 70% screwed on 70% of the exam, and thus failure was inevitable. Hehe...

As it seems, failure does NOT seem inevitable. That's nice.

My fingers are all dry and cracked again. Too much stress plus cold snap, I figure. This time my thumbs are the worst. That's quite annoying. And I'm sure fairly disturbing to alls of y'alls.

Oh, and I redeemed my winning drink, and it turns out that it's ANY FREAKING HOT DRINK AT ANY FREAKING SIZE!!! So I got myself another x-large french vanilla. It's like drinking liquid candy... in coffee form. Although the canadian maple I also bought kinda dulled its sweetness, heheh.

Heheh, and guess what also happened? I FREAKING WON AGAIN!!! Like, the exact same thing too. That's AWESOME. And also helps my "more winners in x-large" cups theory, lol. But yeah, good omen for the test. And test WAS fairly straightforward. Heheh.

I didn't put this post in chronological order. That kinda irks me. But not enough to edit it...

Now I'm off to church, many hrs of instrument playing, and perhaps (for the 1st time in 2 months), I'll be back on the drums! Haha, sweeeet.

AAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

I SENT IN MY APPLICATION 3 MINUTES LATE!!! BUT IT STILL WENT THROUGH!!! SOOOOOO STRESSFUL!!!!

AND NOW I HAVE A MIDTERM IN LESS THAN 3 HOURS IN WHICH I HAVE YET TO REALLY STUDY PROPERLY FOR!!!!

I WANT TO SCREAM BUT IM IN A FRICKIN' LIBRARY!!!

AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!

***

I food myself now...

And... coffee myself??

Oh, and to those T-Ho's employees, when you win the roll-up-the-rim, do you need to give the whole cup, or can you just rip out the rim part?

WOW

First off, I spent the past 4 hrs doing NOTHING. Not smart. Although I did see Mark (a.k.a. Chui), so that was cool.

Oh, AND I WON THE TIM HORTONS ROLL UP THE RIM THING!! I win...a free small coffee. Whoopie...

But yeah, screwed for tomorrow midterm.

Speaking of midterm, I just got my Tax midterm back. I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW WELL I DID!!! I ended up with, like, 28.5/35. That's OVER 80%!!! Craziness...

I did bad on the part where I knew I would do bad, i.e. the part when I stopped reading the book, didn't study very much, etc etc., but the parts where I was so-so, I FRIGGIN ACED!!! That's just... WOW.

Still think I failed my GBiz midterm. And as I never studied for tomorrow's midterm yet, NOR do my cover letter for the VPD... oh well.

***

I forgot to press publish in class, lol... so now it's 6:30, no studying done, no cover letter done, still screwed for tomorrow... but hey, I found a wealth of food in the freezer that I forgot I had! SWEETNESS, haha...

Speaking of food, you wanna know something weird? I'm no longer allergic to almonds! Or, rather, I'm very much not allergic to it anymore. As in, less allergic than other stuff I eat even though I'm slightly allergic (read: fruits). How weird is that...

Now I food myself.
Then work from 7-12
Then, if still awake from coffee, do my cover letter
Then, if still adrenaline rushed, study for exam (pension hw most likely)
Then sleep
Then wake up
Then CRAM LIKE MAD.

Post #700

I blog too much. But anyways...

I have a lot of things I have to do in the next two weeks. I believe I talked about it already.

It was snowing again. Heheh, that reminds me, I remember like the day before the first snowfall this week, I was like "yeah, I guess winter's over... oh well, no more snow..." and then BOOM, in the morning, I wake up to "Hey Alan, it snowed last night!" hahaha... and then I fell asleep again...

I haven't played the guitar in nearly a week. No time. I miss that. As a consequence, my nails are longer than they've been for a while. Heh.

Must have canucks fade from memory. Until playoffs, of course. Haha. OHHH, and the 17th. I'm soo gonna be watching that game. I mean, like, in Richmond. I'm not working, lol...

I'm supposed to be doing my cover letter right now, in which I was to finish by 11:30, and send it in before my co-op meeting about why I'm not applying to that many job postings. I figured I wouldn't be able to finish it anyways, so I blog. I'm kinda dreading that meeting which is 10 mins from now... I mean, what am I gonna say?
"So why aren't you applying for any jobs, Justin?"
"Same reason why I never applied for the CA jobs in September"
"So what reason would that be?"
"..."

Exactly.

...now I is sad. Mini emo ramble.

I never really talked to anyone about anything about this. I mean, not really. Hence the whole "shoulder to lean on"-ish rant last time. But, it's not like I can really talk to people as it is. Last time I really opened up, i.e. "opened the floodgates", she ran away. Not that I blame her.

...and we're back to my 1st 2nd post. You think I'd grow in 2.5 years and 698 posts later. But nope.

***

On another note, I saw another guy who was shorter than me today. It's weird. That almost never happens. ...WAIT A SEC, maybe that's another reason why I liked BCIT so much, there were like a dozen guys wandering the main hall that were at-or-below my height. LOL...

***

And now I go to meeting. This sucks you guys.

[Edit]

Right, before I go to the meeting, just wanted to put this down before I forget. That "feel alone" junk above, it's not that I don't have people to talk to. It's my fault for closing up, etc.

But on another note, Church practice etc is like my only hangout time w/ friends. So when I feel excluded there, usually of my own doings but whatever, I feel UBER-excluded. That's why sometimes Friday nights just SUCK. I mean, I'm on rhythm section, which doesn't talk much, and I look over to singers section, and they're conversing a storm... makes me feel left out. BUT MY BAD FOR FEELING THIS WAY.

[Edit 2]

"..." = "Death in the Family"

I'm worried that I'm using that as my scapegoat. I AM A HORRIBLE HORRIBLE PERSON.

...and now I food myself.