Monday, March 19, 2007


Facebook makes me feel like I've got way more friends than I actually have.

Sometimes, though, it makes me feel incredibly creeped out. I mean, I'm on someone's profile, of whom I haven't spoken to in like half a decade, and I start reading some wall conversations, and... I don't know. Creeped me out. It also doesn't help if this profile is female. Especially doesn't help if this particular female is someone I found attractive way back when.

Actually, you know what, I feel like doing a little rant thingy. About regrets.

You see, when I was back in grade 12, I went on my final strathcona trip in the Minischool. I ended up choosing to go Ocean Kayaking once again, as when I did it in grade 10, it was by far my favourite time at strathcona. So yeah, this is the background of my rant.

For ocean kayaking, there's two people to a boat. In grade 10, it was an odd pairing, and I was grouped w/ an instructor. I was in front. Apparently, I was like a frickin motor. I never stopped paddling for, like, hours. And it was FUN. Heheh. ...GAH, besides the point. Anyways...

In this final grade 12 trip, I was partnered in the Kayak with Belinda. And we got along pretty well. And it was fun. The weird thing is, because the trip itself was so amazingly awesome (what with the sea lions, and the open ocean, and the beaming early-september sunshine), I never really had a chance for my usual "fall for any girl who shows me the least bit of attention" highschool thing. But yeah, by the time the dance rolled on, we danced a couple times, and yeah, that's when it hit me. Belinda is AMAZING. But yeah, as she was gr. 11, never really talked to her all that much after strathcona, and I guess my attentions fell elsewhere.

I should also mention that this was right after the summer where I lost like 30-40lbs. So yeah, slightly more confident here.

Weird thing is, there were like a half dozen girls that I thought I had a chance with. The one girl I finally got the guts to actually ask out, however, was some overly-protected military-dad former-airbase-child girl. So when she said her parents wouldn't let her date (after, like, a weekend of wondering [I asked on friday, and she said she has to ask her parents...]), I took it as she just needed an excuse to let me down gently, and yeah I took it pretty hard... and then the whole joining up with Karmacanix, and the whole Avril debacle, yadda yadda...

Looking back, I obviously made the wrong choice. Of the "half dozen" potentials, in hindsight, Belinda was probably the best of the bunch. And I'm sure she would've at least said yes to a movie date, or equivalent.

Now, with all this in mind, as I was sifting through my friends, I ended up on Belinda's profile. And was reading conversations, and looking at pictures... and, yeah, kinda creeped me out a bit.

Although, that didn't creep me out half as much as finding Kiyomi attractive... now that was just weird...


Before I forget to mention, when I get bummed out, and swear, it pretty much means that something's wrong. Sometimes, though, I think I do it subconsiously in order to garner some undeserved attention, a la Jamieson's "what's the world coming to!" kind of thing. Looking back to my comment three hours ago, I think this was one of those subconscious times. I was really busy and was ticked at the typical Reuben comment. Yup.

Once again, an over-explanation of an unnecessary reasoning.


Edit 1:

Okay, I just had to go check, after writing this post... I went back to facebook... I checked Belinda's profile again... and you know what? She's single... and now I have a weird mix of possible future potential yeah crazy awesome, and holy crap I'm a freaking internet stalker creepy messed up dude... moreso on the latter...

And you know what the worst part about all this is? I know the exact thing I SHOULD do, which would not make me creepy, and would increase the chances of, uh, "planting the seeds of potential" or whatever (couldn't think of a better metaphor), but because I'm getting all weird and nervous about it, I'm just shooting myself in the foot. This sucks. The only thing worse than not doing something is knowing that I should be able to do something in theory but am unable to do so, for whatever lame reason my mind seems to create, and am thus entirely complacent.

What sucks the worse is that I'm only going to get 5 hrs of sleep when tomorrow is my big 25% debate, in which I have to be super alert and react to the other team's arguments. This blows donkey nuts, you guys...


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