Thursday, March 10, 2005

Frickin' heck...

Alls I've gotta say is that my dad's a freakin' ass...

Comes yelling into the living room, "It's my turn to watch the tv, so switch it to the news!" Being that I wanted to watch the daily show, I calmly said that I'm gonna watch my program...so he raises his voice even more, screaming "I've been waiting all night to watch, so it's my turn! Gimme the remote!" At this point, I stayed calm, hoping that if I did, he might follow...but of course, my calmness just made him even angrier, so he shoved me over and grabbed for the remote...I relinquished it of course, 'cause when he's like this, nothing'll stop the freakin' beast...

Scary thing is, it actually went pretty much exactly as I described it; I have not embellished this story in the slightest...

It's not that I wouldn't have switched the channel, it's just that I wanted to see if my dad could actually calm down and speak his case in a reasonable manner...I even gave him the opportunity to, but he stayed firmly within his "I'm the dad, so I do whatever the hell I want!" reasoning. Rediculous argument, 'cause my mom's the breadwinner in the family, so he has no basis for saying "it's my house so it's my rules"...just so freakin' stubborn, and selfish...he's the most selfish guy I've ever met...

Which leads me to another point I wanna make: I really dislike my father. Of course I gotta love the guy, but doesn't mean I can't dislike him...and it's not even the arrogant, aggressive, abrasive, etc. part that really gets me the most. It's the fact that he had so much potential. He's smart, got his UBC degree, he's personable (or at least used to be), and he really could've been something...but instead, due to sheer laziness and [some other unmentionable factors], he ended up being a deadbeat at 50.

The scary thing for me about this is that everyday, I see myself becoming more and more like my dad...it's kinda freaking me out, knowing that I could end up like that...I mean, there are times when I am just as stubborn, or just as annoying, or just as lazy, and what not...I swear, the worst thing you could ever say to me: "Wow, you're just like your dad."

Because of this, I've noticed that in my youth, I've tended to rebel against my dad by trying to be the exact opposite of what I thought he was...I thought he talked way WAY too much, so I learned to shut up; I became a great listener, but then my speech was much to be desired (or at least it used to be)...he went out every night, always someplace with his friends, therefore I chose to live my life at home and practically never go out; thus, I introverted my natural extroverted tendencies...he has [some unmentionable factors], therefore I will never [have unmentionable factors], and nobody will ever convince me that [said unmentionable factors] is just harmless and would never lead to [more unmentionable factors], because I've seen the proof, if only in my case...

Or maybe I'm just making my dad as the scapegoat of all the wrong things in my life...

Either way, I really need to be able to live away from home, feel independent for once...I realized this quickly at BCIT, with many of my friends living on their own...so why do I stay at home? Well, money is always a problem, but the main reason why I stay is that my mom wants me here. She bought a new house, and wants me to stay. How can I say no to that? There are some other factors, but this is the main reason (I can talk about) why I wanna stay at home...she freakin' misses the "Little Boy Justin"...apparently I was so cute and happy as a child, and you could really see it in my old pictures...but that's another story...

The way I see it, I'll stay until I'm able to have my own room and my own car...if, after a reasonable amount of time, I could feel independent enough to stay at home, so be it; but if not, then it's my time to leave...but I've got to at least give this a chance...who knows, maybe I'll be able to do as Mohsin has done, for his situation is highly enviable to me...

But anyways, as to the fact that I've got an exam in about 8 hours, and I haven't studied for it at all, I'm gonna get off my ranting and try to put a few hours of sleep into me before my exam...

Hopefully this has been a slight insight into the life of Nits, and that I haven't told this story incorrectly...seeing that I haven't ranted off in a fit of rage, I'm assuming it's so...I don't even know why I bothered to write it all down, do I really want everyone to know about this?? But then, who really reads and/or cares enough about this anyways...my blog is much too long for most people to stay interested in, so whatever...but I'm ranting again...

Until next time, I guess...

--> As told through the mind of an introverted extrovert.

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