Party Hardy, or something to that effect...

Happy birthday to the three, party was fun, drunk people are funny (and poor), and there was good times for all...and yet, I still feel kinda down...

Why me down? Me not know! Kris=funny, Mark+beer=funny, and so on and so forth, and I did enjoy myself at Boston Pizza, at least I think I did...

I don't know...it's probably some residual effect from earlier today, or perhaps it's the not going to church thing, or it could be the "feeling" of exclusion (although unlikely), or it could possibly be the sheer amount of people there...or maybe, just maybe, it's because of the realization of the painfully obvious...I'm putting my money on the last one...

I don't know why I even thought that in the first place, not like knowing me or otherwise, without interest and what not, and not like me actually too much, without the being there nor here...I should've mingled more instead of focusing on the blurred...but too late now...oh well...

I hope Mark got home alright...did get kinda worried there when I realized he went out without saying anything...thought he was just gonna hack then come back in...should've just went out with him like I was wanting to do...but I didn't wanna seem too overzealous, because I've never really hung out with drunk people, so I wouldn't know when someone is too out of it to, say, be able to walk home...like when I was overzealous with Donald when he was drinking at Leah's house...but whatever, it's better to be overzealous than underzealous...poor Mark, leaving like that...hopefully not because of something people were saying, then got fed up and left, wouldn't want him to be mad at anyone...but the fact remains, he walked out...I really did think he'd come back soon...but when he didn't come back for quite a while, I started to get worried, told kris 'bout it, he and I went out to see etc etc...that got everyone moving, wanting to find and what not...

Oh, crap...I hope that's not the reason why I'm down, 'cause that'd be selfish of me...me thinking Kris stole my "lets find mark" thunder...boo me, I reek of selfishness...especially because of in front, without the holdingness, and oh, the assiness of myself...I'm too apalled to even be in coherent fashionings...as with earlier in writings...

Hmmm...going back to the Leah's house incident...man, did that ever feel exactly the same way that I'm feeling now...same friday night situation, same person drinking situation, and if I remember correctly, same having of a birthday situation...except this time without the guilt of wanting to drink - no, get drunk - but mostly it is the same situation in my head...bunch of friends situation, that is...except it was the feeling of the exclusion there, even though I felt they were my friends...that's probably part of the reason tonight too, I'm guessing...I mean, I feel like the only ones who I really talked to were people I were already comfortable with, i.e. Rob Kris Mark...and I felt especially ostracised in the last few moments of BP, feeling like I was forcing myself into the conversation group...but I just couldn't pull away, because of the now painfully obvious...but whatever, maybe I just got up on the wrong side of bed couch...

Gahh, I really do overanalyze everything...stupid me...and (you know it's coming), stupid everything...

Until next time, I guess...


--> As told through the mind of an introverted extrovert.