Post #25

This will be my last post before the new year. So first things first, happy new years everybody!

[I'm guessing that this part here shall be edited in the future, for, like, "this was me in '06" kind of rants. Or, you know, I guess I could just scrap this whole technicality, screw the 25 limit, and just make another friggin' post...]

***

Today = awesome, playing Guitar Hero at Mark's place. Good food, good friends, good gaming. And then I had to leave... aww...

Tonight at church, I was kinda out of it, and it DEFINATELY showed. imo, at least. But yeah, it felt like I finally hit my wall tonight, and that SUCKS. As it always does.

Basically, whenever I try something new, I'm either relatively horrible and have to work my butt off just to sound half-decent, or I'm just naturally talented enough to be half-decent from the get-go. Unfortunately for that latter part, there's always a limit to this "natural talent." This is my wall. Once I hit the wall, I get all self conscious and lazy, and take criticism extremely personally, as I'm either not used to it or had enough talent to adjust relatively quickly. And then I kinda freak out internally. ...just a bit.

Tonight I just wasn't feeling it on the drums. Then, when trying different things (which DID make everything sound better, but that's besides the point), I realized that I perhaps might have hit my wall for drumming. It always happens, again and again, with whatever I do. I hit my wall for violin (in, like, grade 7...), guitar, vocals, congas... you name it, and I'm pretty much at my natural limit. That sucks you guys. It felt like I couldn't play drums properly anymore... stupid wall...

On that note, I guess you can say that I definitely hit my Accounting/Academic wall last semester. Although technically I guess you could say I hit that wall in my last semester at BCIT (which, remarkably enough, is roughly equivalent to this past semester, go figure). Needless to say, I'm HORRIFIED as to what I'm gonna end up doing next semester, you know, with the apparent lack of natural talent and what not.

Although, I guess the good thing about this whole "wall" business is that yes, there is still a potential to get better. Unfortunately, it will require actual effort, and usually lots of effort for little improvement. This whole effort-to-rewards ratio frustrates the hell out of me. And I guess that's a huge, HUGE part of why I'm such a slacker. I'm afraid that no matter how much I try, I won't get any better...

And that's a horrible feeling, you guys.

***

You know, I guess I wasn't really "upset" tonight. More like, I don't know... frustrated? But yeah, whatever I was feeling, when you get home and realize that you suddenly have over $4400 in your bank account, it's hard to not feel happy. Heheh.

And please excuse the improper use of the 2nd person... hehe...

***

I've been staying w/ my family here in Richmond the past week, and I've gotta say, it's been one of the better weeks I've had here. Then again, when I stay up 'til 7am, and wake up at 2pm, where I then leave the house, and get back home late, and stay up 'til 7am again, I guess that kinda defeats the purpose of the whole "being with family" thing... but w/e...

Well, that's not completely true... I mean, last night for example, I watched like 6 5 episodes of Joan of Arcadia Season 2 with Charissa. Originally, was just supposed to be two eps (i.e., finish the 2nd DVD), but then we I felt like watching more, so I put in another DVD, haha... and then Charissa was tired and left after three episodes, and I stayed up and watched the last one on the DVD. But man, I've gotta say, it's like 10x better watching with my sister. I don't know why, just the little comments, I guess....

Family is cool sometimes.

Not enough for me to leave my apartment though... haha...