Dang...

Man, I am such an idiot...on so many friggin levels...

Not the least of which being the fact that I have a frickin paper and a presentation due tomorrow, and that I feel like frickin crap right now, want to sleep the night away...

And what sucks is that I actually had a pretty good day today, fun time socializing, that charicature wall and all that...even the pool with Shar and Mohsin...but you know what? It's all for naught...and now I'm frickin tired as hell and I have a frickin paper due tomorrow, and I have to be frickin good in my frickin presentation so I should get at least a few hours of frickin sleep...

I don't even know why I feel like such crap...well, I do, but I don't know why it's making feel like such crap...it's not really that big of a deal...and it's completely my fault, I had so many chances to start it, but didn't...which makes me feel like an idiot...but whatever, I have to start my frickin paper sometime, and that sometime has to be now...

Stupid everything...

And once again, I fall back on my song...it always has some relevance in my life somehow...

"Dumb Like That"
by Vroom

I think I've seen every star in the sky tonight
Removed from the city lights, it's never seemed so bright...
I know I shouldn't believe a word you say,
I do anyway, cause I'm dumb like that.

Oh...
In all the words I've given to you,
When you smiled I thought that it meant something else.
You were just being yourself, being nice,
You're always rather polite...
To me...

You let me down again, when you ignored the things I said to you.
If I was scared of you then maybe I could leave...
And if I walked away right now,
There would be nothing left for me to lose but doubt.

I Never fell so far for anyone before,
Never again I swore,
With you hope was restored...
You make me feel like I've been torn apart
I don't like that at all. I've lost control...

Oh...
In all the words I've given to you,
I poured my heart out into an empty coffee cup,
You drank it up,
& left me here to drown...
Alone...

You let me down again, when you ignored the things I said to you.
If I was scared of you, then maybe I could leave...
Cause if I walked away right now,
There would be nothing left for me to lose, but,
I can't lose you...I can't lose you...
I can't lose you!

I think I've seen every star that I care to see,
but I don't wanna leave.
It hurts when you're self deceived...
I know I shouldn't believe a word you say,
I do it anyway,
Cause I'm dumb like that...

Oh...
In all the words I've given to you
When you smiled I thought that it meant something else.
You were just being yourself, being nice,
You're always rather polite...
To me...

You let me down again, when you ignored the things I said to you.
If I was scared of you then maybe I could leave
Cause if I walked away right now,
There would be nothing left for me to lose but doubt...
but doubt...but doubt!

There's nothing left, there's nothing left for me to lose but doubt...
There's nothing left, there's nothing left for me to lose but doubt...
There's nothing left, there's nothing left...

So it's a frickin reposting, I don't care...this song's the best...

And I officially have about 13 hrs to get my frickin act together...okay, lets schedule this puppy up...

Assuming an hour per page, and five to seven pages, I'll spend until 6am doing my paper...taking into account the obvious hardness of following this schedule, I'll assume I won't be done until 8ish...then I'll get a few hours of sleep when my sis needs to use the comp, probably until about 12ish...then do my powerpoint for 3 hours, practice for a half, get to school by 4pm and do my presentation...

Crap, that looks so horrible...it's never going to happen...assuming the worst, I won't be able to finish it properly, I get an average of 35% for the project, drop my friggin gpa a few letter grades...but whatever, it's my fault, once again I've made my choice...but for the first time in my life, I feel like I've made the wrong choice...I swear, if I'm not able to get it together by tomorrow, I'm gonna become a recluse and spend the next two weeks in the friggin library...

Man, this really is getting to me...never knew I felt this strongly about it...

But whatever, the point is that I have to stop fricking procrastinating on my stupid blog and actually get started! Jeez, I gotta pratice what I preach! I really am an idiot...

Until next time...assuming there is a next time...

--> As told through the mind of an introverted extrovert.

[Edit: I'm feeling better now...had a nice talk with Krystle, cleared a few things up for me...however, I barely started on my paper, and it's past 3:30am!!! But still, it was worth it to feel better, because now I'm able to focus on schoolwork...well, right after I stop adding edits to my blog, lol...]

[Edit#2: Great, I'm not even done one page and it's already 5:30am...I'm so friggin screwed!]

[Edit#3: Wow, I'm halfway through my paper, and it's just after 7:00am...I must say, once you get on a roll, you get on a roll...hopefully it doesn't turn out to be a bunch of crap and I fail anyways, hahaha...]

[Edit#4: Just a little past 8:00am, and I'm somewhat nodding off every few minutes or so, and I've still got at least 2 more pages left to do...must finish paper before I take nap...then, after napping, is the frickin presentation...booooo]

[Edit#5: Okay, slept at 9am, didn't finish it yet, overslept by half an hour and now it's 12pm! 4 FRIGGIN HOURS TO FINISH MY PAPER AND PREPARE MY ORAL PRESENTATION!!!]

[Edit#6: You know what? I don't really care anymore. I finished my friggin paper, and I know it's a bunch of crap, even worse than my Psych paper I did for tuesday. But that's alright, because now I still have three hours to prepare my presentation...but I'd much rather just crawl into a gutter and rot...]

[Edit#7: Yeah, I give up on the presentation now too...I know that I won't be able to do a good job, and I don't wanna have to face being in front of people right now...I'm willing to lose 10% of my mark over this...I'll try to postpone it until next week, I'm having family problems, you know...heh...but I doubt I'll be able to make Seema bend the rules for me. So in the end, my final grade for sociology will probably drop by 2-3 letter grades, but that's the choice I made...and what a crappy choice I have made...]