SCREWED!!!

I am fruckin' SCREWED. No, I am BEYOND screwed.

I have a freakin' paper due tomorrow, and I wasted the day away on CivIV and Canucks. WTF, canucks were playing tonight?! I had to watch 'em, stupid losingers.

Point is, it needs HOURS of research, and is based primarily on said research, and what happens?! STUPID VPN CONNECTION DIDN'T WORK!!! HOLY FREAKIN' TURD FLINGIN' CRAP!!!

So I freaked out for more than a little bit, as in completely hysterical. I mean, w/o research, you can't freakin' do a research report, now can ya? Contemplated just not doing it, losing 20% off of a 1 credit course, but I just couldn't let myself do that...

So, after I calmed down slightly, I was able to talk my dad into using his account, which oddly WAS able to connect to ubc. Keeps freakin' screwing around w/ the computer, I swear...I needs my own...anyways, the point is, I'm now able to research.

And yet I'm still feeling quite hysterical. And why?? BECAUSE IT'S GONNA TAKE WAY TO FREAKIN' LONG TO DO ANY OF THIS!!! GAAAHHHHH!!!

As I stated above, I'm freaking screwed. I was gonna do it wed. night, but hockey messed that one up. Then, tonight, but again stupid canucks had to have another game that I didn't know about 'til nearly halfway through the first, so of course I had to freakin' watch that. Now, I'm freaking out about not having enough time to do the stupid freakin' report.

So, why bother blogging then?? Because I'm freakin' hysterical, and I need to freakin' calm myself down! But it obviously isn't working!!! GAAHHHH!!!

I'm pissed off on so many levels...I'm especially pissed off at myself, for again I had TONS of time to do it, at least start research etc, but nooooooo, I had to wait until last minute to freakin start. That really pisses me off. Especially since I might actually fail something for once.

Fail fail fail fail fail...etc.

Did I mention that I only had about 4 hrs sleep last night? So 4+3+2 = NOT ENOUGH SLEEP FOR AN ALLNIGHTER.

I'm screwed. SCREWED. SCREWED!!!

***

I need to calm down. I'm gonna go check my hockey pool.

Until next time, I guess...

***

Edit, midnight - I'm THIS close to quitting. Just giving up. Don't hand it in. Zip. Zero. Etc. I just calculated it, and overall, if I end up w/ 50% in this 1 credit course, my total GPA @ graduation would drop less than half a percentage. So, conservatively, if I end up with a 76.8% average @ UBC, not doing this assignment will make me drop down to 76.4%. I can live with that...

Jeez, it's these kinda realizations that'll land me in a freakin' trailer park one day. I'll just stop caring..."hey, if I live on welfare, I'd get X amount of money a year. I can live with that...". I'm such a bum.

Heheh, just thought of something, just go along w/ everything, pretending that I did hand it in, then get pissed off that I didn't get it back, therefore me having ample time to do it. Although there is that whole "turnitin.com" thing, but I can always say that I forgot. But that'll involve lying, and cheating, and not only is that completely against my morals, but if I'm caught, I can pretty much kiss ever becoming a CA/CGA/CMA goodbye...untrustworthy accountants were the downfall of Enron Worldcom etc, they're no longer in high demand.

But I'm rambling...

So, there ya go. I'm not gonna do my assignment. Just not worth it. I'm still kinda pissed, but man, I actually feel kinda relieved. Hurray for overrationalizations and such! Hurray for overly type-B attitudes! Hurray for procrastination leading to repudiation!

Actually, I feel kinda pissed off. Hopefully, tomorrow everyone will give me looks of horror and disgust, thus making me feel bad for what I did. Which would want me to work harder, and thus raise my marks to make up for this. Man, I gotta study harder for my test. And I gotta do my homework with greater due diligence.

Man, I need my agenda. I blame my procrastination on the lack of structured information of my schedule. I miss my agenda so much. I actually feel like buying one, for the first time since grade 8, when on the first day of school my awesomely beautiful 5-Star agenda was stolen. But that just brings up bad memories...

Bad memories, like the ones I'm starting to have towards UBC. Since september, I've increasingly raised my opinion of BCIT's commerce program over UBC's commerce program immensly. UBC is just infinitely inferior to BCIT's awesomeness. To be more exact, it's efficiency in knowledge-teaching. It just felt so much more formal over there. UBC's more like drinky drinky fun time than an actual learning institution. Or perhaps I'm just bitter over my lack of interest.

I think that when I start using phrases like "drinky drinky fun time", it's time for me to go to sleep.

Therefore, sleep time.

***

Edit, 1am - Yeah, didn't end up sleeping just yet. Thought of something, figured I might as well blog it down.

So, what if an interviewer asked me why I didn't do this assignment?? (incredibly unlikely, but just follow me on this one...)

"So, Justin, you seem to have good marks, so why is your business communications class grade so much lower than the rest of your grades?"

"Well, you see sir, it's all about balance. The reason I came to UBC instead of continuing on in BCIT was to make sure that I had some more life experience. The week an assignment worth 20% was due, I had a few choices: to either hang out with my friends and actually have a life, or to do my assignment. I worked it out, and my assignment was actually worth less than 0.2% of my final GPA. So, having a life vs. 0.2%...??? It's a no brainer. Besides, I've already taken a more encompassing course at BCIT, so I already knew how to do that assignment. So I wasn't really missing anything for not doing it."

And they'll understand, and they'll realize that I'm a perfect candidate, and they'll hire me on the spot. Or something like that.

...okay, so I just wanted to put down some more rationalizations before I went to bed. It's just that these rationales are so much better than my earlier ones. Or, at least more clearly defined.

Don't get me wrong, I still feel pretty bad about it, but I'm just trying to mitigate as much of my pissy-offy-ness as possible.

Again with the nonsensicals. Therefore, again with the sleep time.