Friday, October 15, 2004

Antidisestablishmentarianism, Haha...

Man, I was in the middle of typing out this blog, and then I get kicked out of the comp lab...didn't get a chance to get back on until now...but that's okay, there doesn't seem to be any way to notice that I picked up halfway through...

Oh yeah, before I forget...I just found out tonight that my friend grew up with and is friends of the guitarist of Switchfoot! That's frickin' awesome! Anyways, back to my original blog...

I'm so glad this week is over...2 papers and 2 midterms...done and over with!

Hmmm, now that I think about it, this is nothing compared to what I was used to doing at BCIT...at least here you don't have 5 group projects happening at the same time...lol

That reminds me...I miss having a gym on-campus like at BCIT. I was able to work out nearly every day, actually losing some weight and gaining some muscle...but then I slacked off in the summer, and have gotten a bunch of the excess back again. At least the muscle is still mostly there, haha...so it wasn't a total loss I guess.

Looking back at my random thoughts from last blog, I touched on my whole philosophy on women [excluding family, of course]. I might as well type it up now, eh? But first, I'm going to have to talk about my previous encounters with the fairer of the species...

First of all, I really wanted to be married. To me, nothing would ever give me more happiness than having a loving wife, looking into my child's eyes when they're born, raising children, etc etc...However, in my own skewed imagination, during highschool, I was having fantasies of getting someone knocked up to speed up the process of getting married and having kids. Yeah, dumbest thing I've ever heard too, lol...Anyways, just wanted to point out that marriage was really important to me...but onto the juicy details of my "female relationships"...

Ever since about grade 8ish, I made a mental list of what would be my perfect girl: short, kind, intelligent, sensitive, filipina, etc etc...Anyways, I kept this going until the summer after grade 11, when I actually found a girl who fit my description perfectly. I then realized that I looked like a slob, lost a bunch of weight, etc etc (I believe that I have mentioned this in a previous post)...the problem is, this girl really had no interest in me that way, and when she got around to telling me that, I was pretty much crushed. My completely perfect girl turned me down. So what did I do? I changed the list, of course!

I realized that I was too limiting by having filipina on the list, so I took that out first of all. Also, I realized that I had left out some other traits, such as quiet/soft-spoken, more introverted, etc etc...Anyways, with my new revamped list, and my newfound higher self-esteem due to the loss of weight, I continued the search for my perfect girl. As grade 12 started, I saw what I considered to be the most beautiful girl in school, and she seemed to fit my description perfectly. It took me about 5 or 6 months to do anything about it, but in the new year, I actually got the nerve to ask her out on a date. Well, she had to go ask her parents first of course, fitting in perfectly with my new list, but then it turns out that after having a talk with her parents, she told me that she "wasn't ready to date yet." I put this in quotations because after being shot down once again, my self-esteem fell dramatically, and in my mind I believed that the only reason why she wasn't ready to date was because I wasn't good enough for her to want to date. "She'd want to date me if I looked like friggin' Aragorn..." I remember thinking to myself. I realized that according to my revised list, she was almost TOO perfect...so I sulked around for about a month or so, and started revising my list again. I got fed up with all the introverted-type traits, and went completely opposite and wanted an outgoing, charismatic, etc etc, extroverted girl. However, after about another month or so, I realized that the whole notion of having a list to describe a perfect girl was retarded, and I got fed up and completely abandoned the whole notion of keeping a list.

As a side note, I was fed up with a lot of things as my high school career was winding down, realizing that I practically wasted my youth away...but that's another story. Anyways, after abandoning my list, I decided that I would rather judge each girl on an individual basis and see if I liked them from there...it just seemed logical. Funny thing is, about two weeks after I abandoned my list, I met a girl that was a pretty good match to that list. Another strange thing, she actually liked me back! So we ended up dating, and well that's another story for possibly another time...To sum it up, it was good while it lasted I guess [well, at that time at least], but we should have broken up maybe 3 or 4 months before we actually did. It ended up being a very bad relationship -- I've got my share of the blame that's for sure -- and a very bad breakup. Well, I think I was the one who made it a bad breakup...she was still practically my best friend (at least in my mind), and I do have a tendency to be quite clingy...long story short, I acted like an ass and couldn't take it like a man. No excuses.

Anyways, it was the summer again, after my first year at BCIT, and I was pretty much depressed for most of it. I thought I was female repellant, and that I'd probably never get married. I ended up becoming an insomniac, staying up all night playing Civ3 and listening to Vroom, then watching the early morning t.v. shows, like 90's superman and Arthur and all that...hmmm, getting off topic...

Well, by about August, I started reading the bible for a few minutes before I went to bed. One night, I stumbled across a verse that verified that you won't be married forever, negating the popular belief of soulmates, which blew my mind. After I realized that there's no such thing as soulmates, I realized that it's alright if I ended up not marrying anyone. Because of this, I started seeing women in a different light. Before, I always had that list that described my perfect girl, then realized that having a list is much too limiting. Now, after August of last year, I was able to define my exact philosophy with regards to the opposite sex [again, outside of family]:

I am attracted to all women. This includes friends, classmates, female strangers that walk by...ALL women! However, since I realize that I don't have to get married in my lifetime, I don't feel the need to follow up on my feelings. The times that I would follow up, though, would be when I realize that a girl likes me. However, I would then be friends with her for a while before we would actually start dating, getting to know each other first, etc etc, and if she still likes me after say a few months, then we'd start going out. It seems like the perfect way to start off a good relationship, eh?

Yes, I understand that this philosophy has it's pitfalls, but it's the best thing going for me at this time. I know that I still have preferences, even if I am still technically attracted to all women. I know that it's not always easy to know when someone likes me. I know that sometimes I stop being attracted to some girls because of incompatable personalities. However, I believe that this is the best method for me to find my future wife, for all dating is to me is the means to my nuptially blissful end; once I can't see marrying someone, then it's gotta be over...I know this now. To put it into churchy terms: I don't believe in "dating", I believe in "courtship"...lol

Anyways, I think this filled up my blog fairly nicely, eh? That should be enough blogging for today...and yes, it is very late once again, and I do have church in the morning, so I should get to bed...

I swear, one day I'm going to run out of stories and my blogs will start to be of normal length...when that day will come, I don't know...but not soon...lol

Until next time, I guess...





--> As told through the mind of an introverted extrovert.

1 Comments:

Blogger Spangie said...

Oh man little big man!! You really need to start blogging shorter blogs!!

You wanna get married?!?!?! Already?!?! But you're so young!!!

10:43 AM  

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